Mothers are important, but how important are we?!

Parenting is the epitome of what mothers are made to do, right? As a mother I know that parenting is probably the number one thing that is on my mind the most. My mind is a constant pile of parenting thoughts, “Did my child go potty recently? Is is almost nap time? Did my child eat? It sure is quiet, maybe I should check on them..” I am sure all parents have these thoughts constantly and that every decision they make they have the thought of how that decision is going to affect their child..

We make these decision and make parenting a priority in an attempt to be good parents. For me, the point of being a good parent isn’t because it’s “what I should be” or because society wants me to be a good parent but because when I decided to have my children their lives became my priority and for the sake of my children and their happiness I want to be the best parent for them that I can be. For the sake of my child’s future and their well being I will do whatever it takes to be a good parent.

Now that I am an adult and I see the person I am and see people I know and see how they are as people, I begin to question and wonder a lot about children and parenting. We hear so often how children are a productive of their environment and that children will do/be what they live. I’m not questioning that or saying that is not true and honestly I am no psychologist that can say scientifically this is true or not true, but I can say that I am a mother who has had a mother and am now grown and can say from my experiences as a child and what I have gotten out of these theories.

I can say that yes, I have taken a lot of defense mechanism and have a few habits that I probably gathered from my environment as a child, like: the fact that I am a very skeptical person, that I don’t like to wear make up, get all dress up and pretty, I am an introvert/kind of a loner, I love to read and many more. All of these I can gather that I have developed from my environment and not just from my mother and father but from my grandparents and aunts, uncles, etc. These components are all factors in making me who I am and without one of these I wouldn’t be “Natalie” but I don’t contribute these factors to be major components of making me who I am.

So this brings me to the fact that my mother and father divorced when I was three weeks of age and my birth father was not a major part of my life until I was around 13. My main parental figures were my mother, step-father, grandmother and grandfather. So as these the saying go, I would be substantially more like my mother than my father because she was my environment, or maybe even like my stepfather or my grandparents. But I can honestly say, I’m not. I am nothing like my mother, we are what most would call complete opposites, I am neither like my stepfather, I have taken a few traits from both of them but in the scheme of themes I am not a product of them (environmentally speaking 😉 ) and same goes for my grandparents, although I am more like my grandmother than my mother. Not saying that I don’t love any of them or that I grew up saying “I never wanna be like my mom, grandma, grandpa, stepdad, etc.” but I just didn’t.

Since I have grown up and have spent quite a bit more time with my father and have gotten to know him on a deeper level I have realized how much I am like my dad. I am truly a product of him. To go even deeper, as an adult I became acquainted with my father’s sister with whom is a lot younger than him and so they never grew up together or spent much time with one another.  I had found that I had a mutual friend with my aunt and gotten to know her and hang out with her family and we have became quite close. The more we spent together the more I realized how much I am like my aunt as well. Two people who are blood related but never knew each other until we were adults and yet we have a lot of the same personality traits, mannerism, among other things.

This leads me to the thought of maybe who we are isn’t from our environment, yes we may get some traits based off of the situations and environments we are put in as a child which could lead to certain habits, etc, but also I believe sometimes we are who we are supposed to be no matter where we come from. Chemicals and DNA could play more in a part of who we are than who raised us. People who are adopted have been said that they always knew they were adopted because they always felt out of place in their family and maybe that is why. Not saying that parents don’t need to try so hard because it doesn’t matter anyway but I do believe that when parenting we should take into account who our children really are and use that to our parenting techniques.

I think expecting our children to be someone because “that’s how they were raised” is a bit harsh and some children may take that a bit too heart. Wouldn’t it be better to know who our children are as a person and get to know them as more than just “our children” and raise them according to their personalities. I believe it could help us as parents as well, imagine how hard it can be on a parent to feel like you have done your parenting the best way you knew how and yet your child is still rebellious and isn’t following “how you raised them to be”. Maybe it has nothing to do with how you raised your child or what you put them through but maybe it has more to do with the fact that your child is destined to be who he/she is supposed to be and maybe their personality causes them to have to learn the hard way, etc.

Let’s still be good parents and put our parenting first and help our children feel safe but maybe we can help them feel safer by knowing who they are, what kind of person they are and use that to help us in our parenting endeavors.

Love, light and namaste.

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Spoiled children.

Isn’t it amazing how sometimes things will pop up multiple times in a short period of time in our lives?! This happens to me all the time, I will have a certain topic, person, song, etc. pop up in my life in the same day, week or month. I believe when this happens it is the universe telling me or warning me of something that I need to focus on or take appreciation for, etc. Maybe I’m a crazy lady but I take these signs and I try to learn or grow from them.

The certain topic that has come up in my life recently is spoiling/over indulging children. My best chummy and I had a conversation regarding this and I have had a few friends on Facebook share an article focusing on spoiled children (Click here for that article)

Now I am a mother of two little girls, MaurJo, 4 and ChaCha, almost 2. I am a big advocate for not going over board on birthdays or Christmas, and all other holidays. I try to keep it simple and focus more on the celebration and memories rather than the gifts ( MaurJo received a toothbrush and toothbrush holder from Santa one year). So here I am being a parent that believes my children are not over indulged and are learning from that. This false pretense came from the fact that MaurJo is very appreciative and is always saying Thank you and giving loves whenever she receives anything from anyone. I would feel so proud and think that I was actually doing something right in this crazy world of parenting. Don’t get me wrong, my children are not perfect, both my girls are giant fit throwers, but I always brushed it off as they were dramatic, which they still probably are. And then I saw this article and everything I had ever known about my children and my theories on spoiling was thrown out the window. Is it possible that not just holidays are what spoil are kids? Maybe that we can spoil them with things that are not materialistic, like giving into them when they just want one more cookie? I have sometimes thought about these things but kinda brushed them off in the moment. That was when I realized maybe I could take this sign from the universe and use it.

Granted, this article is not written by any child psychologist or expert and every child is different leading to different traits, but it definitely made me think and maybe help me a little bit in how I treat my children. I’m not going to bore you by going into every sign that this article lists and I’m not going to try and eliminate all these signs in my children so that they are no longer existent (but how wonderful would that be 😉 ) but I do think addressing this problems and seeing if they are a direct sign of my child being spoiled.

Now my children don’t fit into all these categories but there are a couple that they do and these categories are: throws fits often, isn’t ever satisfied and doesn’t share. So for the next little while I am going to quite being so naive and try to stop brushing things off. Maybe it is bad parenting that I have been exhibiting but I am going to try and be more focused on what I am giving my children and see if it helps these troubles I have with my kids or to see if maybe this article is not all that accurate.

What’s your opinion on the article? Do these signs correlate with a spoiled child? I wanna hear your opinion.

Don’t think I forgot about the 24 Hour Challenge, I did participate but I also found that it doesn’t happen in 24 hours, it takes lots of focus and a little time to break the complaining habit.

Love, light and namaste.

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Complaining is all just a part of motherhood

Today is the last day, of the first week, of the new year. Man, that was hard to get out of my brain!

But with that being said, the last two weeks have been filled with, “new year, new me”, “this year I’m going to….” and yada, yada. I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that, I think goals are very good things to set. Just not for me, I have a hard time with a little thing called, self motivation, so most the time I set goals and then I don’t follow them and then I get overwhelmed and anxious because I am failing and it leads me down a dark hole of never finishing. So instead I like to just set “plans” and then I don’t feel so much pressure to finish my said “plan”. It doesn’t always work but it is what it is, eh?!

Well on Instagram I follow a page (is that correct wording, maybe user??) called Purple Buddha Project and this morning they posted a picture stating “Go 24 hours without complaining. not even once… then watch how your life starts changing.” the caption they put on the photo was “Think you are up for the challenge?”

Now think about that for a minute.. challenge, complaining, 24 hours. Seriously, I love this idea. I love that it is listed as a challenge and not a goal or resolution. I love that it is essentially starting out as 24 hours, and if you like it and can handle it, then keep it going. It takes the anxiety and the setting myself up for failure out of it.

I then am left to think, “Am I a complainer?” It’s one of those things you never realize you do until you sit and think about it, I’m sure if you asked my husband if I was a complainer he would have no hesitation to say “yes!” but that’s a different discussion.  So here I am thinking back to my day yesterday and if I complained..

I compiled a list of things that some would call complaints.

  • I was sick so a few times when my children were yelling or climbing up my legs, I’d state to them “Please leave me alone, I don’t feel good.” (to me this is a statement but I guess if I am being critical, I guess it could be called a complaint)
  • The night before last my oldest was up with an earache all night so I was running on little sleep and when getting dressed to go to take her to the doctor, I put my shoe on and then tried putting my sock on over the shoe. I then thought to myself “Ugh, that’s how tired I am but this would make a funny Facebook status.” A complaint none the less but at least I found humor in it, am I right?! 😉
  • And then I realized that most of my conversations with my best friend are spent in complaining and listening to her complain and then expressing how we both understand each others complaints.

I don’t want to bore you with anymore, but there are a few to get the idea that yes, beyond all your perfectionist thoughts about myself, I am not perfect. That also gives you the idea that even if you don’t think they are complaints, they probably are. So maybe it is safe to say, that yes, I think complaining is part of being a mother and maybe even HUMAN, but even so, if we all accepted this challenge, think of the better mothers and humans we could be. I understand you may be left with a feeling that you will have nothing to discuss with your best friend if you aren’t complaining, but believe me there are other things 😉

I think it is safe to say that we could all benefit from this challenge and learn to be better and more positive. Think of all the positive energy we could be putting into the universe with less complaining! So therefore, I challenge you! and let me know what you notice change the next day and if you keep up the challenge then what you notice after a months time and so on!

Love, light and namaste.

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It’s me..

Hi, I’m Natalie.

Nice to meet you.

I’m sure you have already glanced at my “About Me” page and have gotten to know a little bit about me, but maybe not gotten a little insight into what this is all about and why I am choosing to “blog”.

I am what some would call an introvert. I am not one to sit in a crowd and discuss my interests or passions, or anything for that matter. I get uncomfortable and just sit in a pool of anxiety. Now a group of 1-3 is where it’s at. I could discuss all day with a small group and listen to what others have to say and enjoy myself. But let’s be honest, I am a mom but not only a mom but also a stepmom and to make it worse my two daughters are wild-n-out 99% of the time. I am one of those moms out of the movies, that have children climbing up their legs and screaming in the stores and covering the floor with flour. Because of these factors I am limited to having only a few friends (okay, one) and she lives in another STATE! Therefore my conversations are limited to my husband and children.

As I began to think, I realized that I love writing and I love discussing and I especially love learning new things and hearing others opinions on matters. So taking all these passions and mixing them with all my limitations it only seems genius to start a blog. I can discuss all the things I love, give you guys a little humor with the crazy antics of my life (like the 22 month old balancing on my knee as I type) and still listen to your opinions and discuss with you!

I have no specific genre to this blog, except maybe “Natalism”, is that even a thing? haha. Just basically whatever is on my mind or is interestingly up for discussion. I am new to this and will be learning as I go, but isn’t that what makes this fun?! I sure hope so.

So jump on this wagon and let’s make a band!

Love, light and namaste.

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